So I was IMing a friend of mine and she was just taking forever responding. Cant stand it. So it got me thinking of what are my top 5 pet peeves. Here you go:
1. Idiot Drivers. I know I mentioned this in past blog postings, but this one clearly can change my mood from OMG after a night of sexual pleasure to Holy Crap, did you just shit on my lawn? If you are on the phone, stay to the right lane. If you can barely see over the steering wheel, take the bus. If you can bare to go 1 mile over the speed limit, ride a bicycle. I am telling you, I am mad max out there. One step away from a road rage statistic. I am terrible but I don't have to be if idiots just get off the road. yes, I just justified my actions.
2. People who hold up the fast food lines. OK, you go to fast food because it should be fast (hence the name). You need to get back to work and you have no time. So you have someone who goes to the front and faces the cashier and doesnt know what to order. What? Did you not know to begin with? Did BK menu change? NO! NO! NO! Damn it, dont you know what the hell you want when you get there, get the hell out of the line. Seriously. Um...I want a....no.....You actually have salads?.....wow, that is cheap....oh, I didnt know you had that..... I dont care. Really, I dont. Just pick something in the classic menu...you know a double cheese....chicken sandwich and come back tomorrow now that you know and pick them.
3. People who know they have to pay and dont prep themselves. So you are in a line. You know how much it cost. You check your blackberry or Iphone to past the time. You reach the cashier and now its time for the payment. Oh, so now you decide its a good idea to pull out your wallet and try to find the cash. Oh, you want to pay in exact change? Well now, just pull out your little coin purse. Wait, cant find it? Is it next to the 7 eyeliners or that lip balm you got from Korea? Maybe its in that secret pocket that you didnt know you had. Come on now, really? Wait...wait for it....wait....ah, the checkbook. Of course, since Coach now has matching checkbook covers, it would only be appropriate. Yes, yes, write it out. I dont mind. Just add an extra 20 for me. AAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!
4. People who dont understand personal space. Ok, the general rule is arms length. Arms length. Even my short arms work. So dont come up to me like you are about to kiss me just to have a conversation. Unless I know you that well and we sleep together, I dont expect you to stand that close to me. And my pockets belong to me. Just because you stand so close, doesnt entitle you to use my pockets. If you want me to share something with you, a size nine I can share. A swift kick in the go-nads is always a great parting gift. I dont need to count the bumps on your tongue. I am not your dentist. Please, I dont care to know what you ate recently. Dont stand....dont stand so....dont stand so close to me...Yeah, I did that. I rocked a Police song. Pull out the way back machine....
5. People who think a shower is optional. I heard the term "natural"...."earthly"...."manly".... How about this? Stinky. Yucky? Dont right disgusting? I even heard the excuse, it keeps my natural oil on my body. No....I dont think so. How about "It dries out my hair".... Are you the same person who dyes it or color it or use a blow dryer? Yes you are....I mean, wash. You have access to water. You are not in a third world country fighting for drinking water. Just walk into the bathroom and see that knob? It will not bite. Water doesnt hurt. Just take a shower so you dont have to share your smell. No, you cant get a ride with me. No, get off the bus. Please dont even try to board a plane. Nasty. get away!!!
You probably thinking that I just hate the world. I do not as long as you dont annoy me. Is that too much to ask?
