Managing the rage.....

3 things you should know about me.

1. I am a terrible driver. Not that I don't know how to drive but I get road rage…..bad. Yes, I yell in the car.

2. I accept that I am addicted to Doritos. Don't tell me to quit. I don’t know how anyone can hate those things. So many flavors enticing your taste buds…..I’m drooling…. Moving on…

3. I know I have a bit of a gut but I hate sit ups. So far, my desire to look fit is overwhelmed by my desire to eat. Again, I accept that.

Ok, so why the admission? As I was traveling to the airport to head back home, point 1 reared its ugly head. So i asked myself, if I was nominated to be the Head of the Department of Transportation, what laws would be enacted effective immediately?

Here is a list of my top 10 choices:

1. No large transport trucks allowed during the rush hours. That's 5am to 8, 1130 to 1 and 430 to 6. Don't tell me that they are people too and they need to go home as well. if that was the case, drive like you have a purpose. Don’t those vehicles have V-12 engines? I know they go over 40 mph.

2. When allowed on the road, the large transports are not allowed in the left lane ever! Can't emphasize ever.

3. People under the age of 18 and over the age of 65 must renew their driver’s license with a skill driving tests annually. No exceptions.

4. My driving test would consist of the following questions:

A. Do you feel like driving is similar to a horse race where you inch by each other?

B. Do you feel that if you can read the bumper stickers of the car in front of you than you are too close?

C. Do you feel that only your situation is important and that everyone else must adjust to you regardless if you are doing 20 in the left lane?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, instant failure and driving privilege suspended for one year.

5. People will be allowed to mount paint ball guns on the hood of their cars. During these times, you are allowed to fire a paint ball at the violating car:

A. Chatting on the cell phone with disregard to traffic.

B. Women trying to fix their face. You know what I mean.

C. Men shaving.

D. Cars that the rims are more expensive than the car itself.

E. Cars with those loud mufflers. Two shots if both D and E applies.

F. Cars where you can hear and understand the lyrics of the songs they are playing. I don't want to hear that? 3 shots If D, E and F applies. You may substitute the 3 shots with a t-bone demolition option.

G. Cars that you know are fast (Mustangs, Camaros, Mercedes, etc) that are driving slowly.

Another note of the paint gun scenario, it proves evolution is false. If so, people would have eyes in the back of their head. Or are people that obtuse? I can go on and on for the merits of the eyes on the back of the head point but let's move on.....

6. People must wear the patterns of the road working crew’s ability. So, people from Milwaukee would wear only plaids or leopard prints and items with holes.

7. I would develop a portable highway bridge and have it "Air Bobbed" into place where there is traffic so it would be a double increase to traffic capacity. Seriously, no one can perfect that?

8. Change the speed limit to mimic those in Germany on the autobahn. So, there would be no worries to maintain that 10 miles over the speed limit so that the cops don't pull me over and by the way don't be the first one in that row rule. Yes, I know that rule exist.

9. I forgot to add that If you are not working, you are not allowed to be on the road during rush hour as in rule 1. Its really not that important to get to the mall before it opens to mall walk.

10. Whoever developed the idea that we should have restricted lanes in the middle like they do in Chicago and Washington and have no logic where the lanes are open to those that don't need it when you are at a stand still hoping you could just get into it so you can make your appointment that you made 4 months ago and can't miss should be shot or flogged in public. No, I have no experience with this. Why do you ask?

On a bright note, I utilized my elite status on Airtran to get upgraded to first class for free. All is good in the world now.

Ok, all for now. Have a nice weekend.